Childfree and Loving It! by Nicki Defago

People like to perpetuate rituals of birth, marriage and death – it is how people conform but it would never have suited me. They say I’ve had a far more varied and interesting time than they have. Most of my friends with kids have become more honest as we’ve got older. You dare not call parents at the weekend – that’s family time! Single people have a fantastically strong support network and we help each other. I have been called selfish and it makes me incandescent with rage. They write their little hearts out, they confide in you, they tell you things they don’t tell their parents. I teach creative writing to young adults and you can fall in love with your class. My maternal instincts come out in different ways. So many children need love and attention – they don’t have to be your own. I never had the urge to reproduce me – there are too many abandoned children in the world. I am shocked by the number of women who marry for status, convenience or to be accepted socially. I always wanted to look at a partner and think I truly, truly love you. I wouldn’t have compromised a relationship for the sake of having children so I got on with doing my own life and the advantages are tremendous. Fathers are often happy because they have wonderful jobs, their own lives and children as well, but it’s not like that for mothers. I’d need a house like Brideshead and hoards of staff to look after us all, but most of us don’t have lives like that and I certainly never wanted a man to provide it for me. If I’d been a man or a millionaire it would have been wonderful to have lots of children scurrying around, but I’m practical and realistic. You can leave the dishes but you can’t leave the kids! Now that I’m older I can go to that party in the Hamptons, I can shut myself in a room and write for three days, I can crawl into bed and see nobody for a long weekend or I can sod off to South Africa – I might think I don’t want to spend the money on all the airfares, but I can go if I want. I used to jump on a plane at a moment’s notice and go to work in New York. I always wanted to get out there and see the world and I could never have done that if I’d been tied.

I’ve always aimed to do things that enrich my life and, because I’ve managed to do those things, I’ve liked my life enough never to want to alter it by having children. She's still kickin it out here and dating, from another article I've read!

Especially this article from Marcelle d’Argy Smith. There are stories from parents too (some who don't regret having children, some neutral observations, some horror stories imo). It's full of quotes and personal antidotes from the childfree, ordinary and anonymous and some famous. I've started quarantine-reading a lot, and came across the book 'Childfree & Loving It' by Nicki Defago, which is highly entertaining.

Childfree and Loving It! by Nicki Defago